'Old House' Way of Thinking
I had a dream the other night where I stood in front of a man and a woman, who were sitting behind a table judging me. The woman really seemed to like and accept me, even seemed delighted by me. But no matter what I said or did, I couldn't get the man to like me. He wouldn't even smile back at me.
Then all of a sudden in the dream I was inside our old house, alone and in the dark. I had the sense that I was hiding in the house, as there were headlight beams shining through the windows and I was trying not to be seen by them.
When I woke, I realized that God was showing me that my tendency, when I don't feel accepted, is to withdraw or retreat into "safety mode." Safety mode is where I go back to my old ways of thinking and being, and put barriers up between me and others. It's when the mask goes on.
The odd thing was, I noticed in the dream that hiding in my old house did not bring me any sort of comfort. Instead I felt anxious - the threat of being "found" consumed me, and seemed an even bigger threat to my joy and satisfaction than the initial threat of not being accepted.
I believe this dream speaks to what God is trying to heal in me this season: this root of rejection that affects my ability to fully enjoy life and others, when I retreat into "old house way of thinking."
"Lord, thank you for showing me this.. You're a good Father and you want your children to be WHOLE and complete, not lacking any good thing. We were made for relationships so thank you for giving me a greater understanding of your love that casts out all fear of rejection. Thank you that in you Abba, we always find our home, our acceptance, and our belonging."